whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
