I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
