**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
