so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
