I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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