I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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