Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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