My Higher Power is John Stamos
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize