I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
