I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
