Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there was a trapeze. enough said
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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