are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
