I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize