Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
