Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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