i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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