I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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