Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
