remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
