I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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