I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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