My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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