Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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