I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
