omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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