There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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