sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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