are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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