I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
