Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
