When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
