Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
