Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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