The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
