Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
