Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
