Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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