Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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