I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
