Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize