; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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