If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
