Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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