Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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