The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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