I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
