im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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