dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
