I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
kristin has been a bad kristin
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
