Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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