The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
