He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
