made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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