I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Randomize