I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
