I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
