And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
