Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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