Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
