Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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