I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
