Don't make out with my wife yet
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
