Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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