Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
