At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring me that man meat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
