my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
