my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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